Fearless
by Sweet Carolina Butler
Summary: What if Scarlett realized she loved Rhett and not Ashley soon after her and Rhett's passionate kiss at Rough and Ready? My entry to ccac2003's writing challenge in which Scarlett goes off in search of Rhett after he leaves her to join the Confederate army
1. Chapter 1

Hello!

This is the first chapter in my story titled "Fearless" and is a story I am writing in response to ccac2003's writing challenge in which an entire GWTW fanfic is to be created using an album and its song titles as the basis for the plot. I have chosen Taylor Swift's "Fearless" as my album as I think it is an appropriate description for Scarlett!

Hopefully, this story will turn out the way I am planning for in the end and will entertain all of you at the same time. I decided to write this in a diary/journal format to do something a little different especially as it's strictly written from Scarlett's point of view.

Oh, and obviously this is an AU story...I've always wondered what would have happened if, after Rhett kissed Scarlett for the first time at Rough and Ready, she realized he WAS the man for her after all,_ not_ Ashley! So, hopefully you will enjoy this 'what if' of mine and please review for me if you can! Thanks! :)

**I do not own any rights to GWTW or the characters portrayed within my story!**

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><p><strong><em>-Chapter One: "Fearless"-<em>**

November 2, 1864

Tara, late evening

Searching through Mother's things in the attic that the Yankees headquartered here at Tara hadn't managed to uncover and steal, I found this unused journal only just yesterday and decided to make it my own. Mother once told me when I was younger that all proper ladies should keep a journal. Even though I know I have fallen short of her ideals through the years and am not the proper lady she expected me to be, after experiencing the bitterly hard times since arriving home at Tara, I find it is an excellent idea for a diversion from the horrors of my day-to-day reality anyway.

I suspected things at Tara would be bad but I had no idea they'd be like this! General Sherman's soldiers had certainly done their job in completely removing all semblance of the genteel, privileged way of life I once knew from the Georgian countryside I call home. As a result, instead of whiling away the days leisurely entertaining endless numbers of fawning beaux while wearing a beautiful new gown as I used to, my time is now spent scrounging around for any scrap of food I can find in order to feed the many starving mouths dependent on me for their very survival here at Tara.

The sad truth of the matter is that in no time at all, I Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton has become the sole caretaker for almost ten others and am the one person found among us with the strongest will to survive. With Mother dead and Rhett off God knows where after stupidly joining the Cause, I have no one left to provide the small comforts of an understanding, listening ear or the shoulder to cry on I find I desperately need in my never-ending moments of despair.

Also, I no longer think of Ashley the way I did for so many years on end. In fact, I now realize my so-called love for him was nothing more than a girlish infatuation and I understand he and his old-fashioned ideas truly wouldn't have made me happy after all had I managed to ensnare him. However, I do long for those easygoing days in which life was fun and carefree and that which Ashley was a part of here in Clayton County but it's obvious they are now gone like the fire that swept through Atlanta with Sherman's men. Those times seem so far removed from this new world and way of living that I realize are here to stay for good and if I am to not only survive but thrive in this new world, I must quickly change almost everything I once thought about myself and my capabilities too! Endlessly hanging on to thoughts of Ashley and my youthful idealizations of him in a time like this is foolish and no longer serves any worthwhile purpose in my life. Besides, someone else has immediately wrenched all thoughts of loving him as I once had out of my mind and since this journal is supposed to be an entertaining diversion away from my harsh realities of life I will now think and write only about _Rhett_!

I never thought I'd _ever_ live to see the day knowing it was Rhett Butler I've been in love with all along! The sudden understanding of my true feelings struck me as if a Yankee cannonball landed right on my head! Other than the endless hunger I constantly feel deep in the pit of my bitterly sour stomach, the tragic thought of Rhett getting himself killed has been weighing heavily on my mind for the two months since he left me at Rough and Ready. They have been two long months in which I have had nothing but endless time thinking the worst regarding his fate; not knowing if the deep feelings of love I finally realize I have for him have come much too late in the end.

I know how it appeared that I once seemed to hate him for knowing the secret of my former love for Ashley as well as understanding more about my personality than no man other than a husband ever should know, but that's no longer the case. It was shortly after my arrival here at Tara when, to hide away from the unfortunate reality of Mother's sudden death as well as the state of my new found poverty, thoughts quickly turned to the more pleasant moments in my life and I began reminiscing over my many conversations in Atlanta with Rhett. Of course my thoughts eventually turned towards the memories of the night he rescued me, Melly and her baby Beau, Prissy, and Wade from Atlanta. I still can't believe how brave he had been risking his own life by stealing that broken-down carriage and half-dead horse from the army stable in order to help us leave the city as those damn Yankee varmints burned it down all around us! Rhett may insinuate he is no gentleman but I know otherwise as no true blackhearted scoundrel would do what he did in order to safely whisk us away from the dangers we faced that night!

I must admit if only Mother was still alive, she would be quite ashamed if she only knew what I am about to write next…The scandalous truth of the matter is how much I enjoyed the feel of Rhett's arms around me as he forcefully hauled me out of the carriage before declaring his love and giving me the most unbelievably scandalous kiss! That deeply intimate, possessive kiss left me both weak in the knees and my body numb all over and never before had any beaux kissed me in such a way that provoked my deepest anger while highly exciting me to no end like Rhett had! At the time, I was affronted at the unexpected manner in which he seemed to instantly remove what few ladylike sensibilities I had left but in all truth, I wanted our kiss to continue on forever! Unfortunately, after Wade cried out for me, instantly breaking the heat of the moment, I instantly reacted by slapping his face before immaturely telling him I hoped a cannonball would land on his head! At that very moment, I meant every word that had been spoken out in my anger but of course, I know _now_ that my harsh words weren't the truth and I hope Rhett, wherever he is right now, realizes that too.

The fact that he suddenly decided to go off and join the Cause also was infuriating, especially since he was leaving me solely responsible for the all the others and with those nasty Yankee varmints hiding out in the countryside all around us, no less! Even though I haven't been one to pray to God very much, I find Mother would be proud that I am always saying prayers in my head on Rhett's behalf each and every day since the realization of how much I truly do love him! Today, as I stood hungry in the middle of the parched, barren vegetable garden under the harsh glare of the midday sun, I immediately felt the warm flow of salty tears coursing down my cheeks; my emotional anguish complete as I fell to my knees praying with all my strength that God would not only keep Rhett alive but also give me the strength to do something, _anything_ to get him back to me safely and out of that army before he gets himself killed! After violently vomiting in the red earth after I dug up and quickly ate the remnants of a horse-trampled radish, the knowledge of what I must do to help Rhett suddenly dawned on me after I fell to my knees and cried out all my anguish and sorrows to God as I never have before.

I, Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton, have never been one to back down from a challenge of any sort and with the new challenge that instantly came to my mind as a grace from God Himself I firmly believe, I find that I _must_ be braver than Rhett had ever been the night he came to my rescue in Atlanta like a knight in shining armor. The truth is that I have decided to leave Tara, the tiresome, endless days of hunger, Melly, Wade, Pa, my sisters, Mammy, Pork, and the other servants behind for a while as I have the strangest feeling Rhett now needs me more than they do!

I know I must remain strong and am going to need to quickly discover a sense of _fearlessness_ inside of me with what I understand I will be putting my self through in order to accomplish my goal! It's definitely not going to be easy but my decision is made and as soon as I can make sure there is enough food left behind for the others to last for a couple of months, I am going off in search of Rhett to inform him of my undying love and bring him home safely.

Until I next write,

_Scarlett_

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><p><em><strong>Thanks for reading! If you have a moment, please review if you can...thank you!<strong>  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for the overwhelming response I got with the reviews for chapter one of this story that is based off of the song titles from Taylor Swift's 'Fearless' album! MelloroseofTx, jalna, Cherryblair, Nadya-girl, caitlinc1991, tvfanatic143, iknowyoutoo, ScarlettlovesRhett, Imgonewiththewind, Moonlight Magnolia: I am so happy to have read your very enthusiastic and kind remarks and now that Christmas and the craziness it ensues around my home is long over, I should be able to whip out a new chapter once a week or so until its final conclusion. You guys are all really motivating me to work harder at getting each chapter out! So once again, thank you for all of your kind reviews and if you have any time at all to continue reviewing for me so I know I'm not boring you all out there, I'd be so happy! Thanks again and I hope you enjoy this next chapter too! :)**

**By the way, for all of you die-hard 'by the book' Windies out there, the timeline in my plot regarding certain events at Tara has been changed from the book _slightly_ and is more inspired by the movie than the book in a few other ways as well so please keep in mind this is AU _and_ fanfiction if you choose to review this for me, thanks! ;)  
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**I own no rights to GWTW or its characters!  
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><p><strong>-Chapter Two: "Fifteen"-<strong>

Wednesday November 16, 1864

Atlanta, late evening

I've actually been really busy these past few weeks at Tara and haven't found time to write in this journal like I wanted to but that's okay as I am _thrilled_ to finally have the time to write how I am _now_ sitting here in the bedroom of my home on Peachtree Street! I am amazed how easy it was for me to safely get here while remaining mostly undetected on my dangerous journey along the way. Not only that but it's still hard for me to believe the amazingly fortunate turn of events that enabled me to leave Tara within less than two weeks since I last wrote in this journal and that which I will now explain.

This past Thursday I, along with Prissy, Suellen, and Careen, had been out in the far field near the creek picking what little cotton hadn't been trampled and ground into the earth by the Yankee cavalry that camped here a few months ago. Suellen and Careen both finally got over their long term physical weakness from the typhoid so I insisted that instead of complaining about having nothing to eat or do or how there is a lack of beau around to whisk them off to marry them, they now must both help get to work rebuilding Tara like the rest of us. As we all worked in sullen silence, I began feeling weary and ill from the burning heat of the blistering hot, unrelenting sun as I know they did too. Tired of having my back bent for hours on end and after noticing how my well-blistered hands were bleeding, I decided to stop for a short while and get a few buckets of water from the well for all of our much-needed refreshment.

As I walked back towards my sisters struggling to carry the heavy buckets, I overheard Suellen bitterly complaining about me when she told Careen how hateful and mean I was to make them work in the fields like the many Negro slaves we once had! When she said how much she hates _Tara,_ I just lost all sense of reason, I was so mad! For her to say that, it's the same thing as saying she hates Ma and Pa! Tara is more than just a home. It is the legacy Pa worked so hard to build for future generations of O'Hara descendants and I fully intend to see it remains just that! However, it was at that point that I knew as much as I love Tara, I _really_ had to work much harder finalizing the details of my plan in order to leave home as soon as possible and find the man I know I love even more than my home! Besides, I couldn't stand the thought of another day trapped at Tara with such a hateful, horrible sister like Suellen and am so happy to finally now be far, far away from her!

Writing now about Rhett, the night he left me near Rough and Ready, he said he loved me more than he has ever loved any woman and has waited longer for me than any other woman too so I know once I find him, I will easily convince him to help rebuild this land into the grand plantation it once was. He was such a busy and successful blockade runner so I know he has to have tons of money somewhere just sitting around waiting to be spent on a good cause like Tara. I've never had trouble in the past getting anything or any beau I've ever wanted once I set my mind to it, so I'm confident I'll be successful with getting the money from Rhett as well as getting him to marry me after I find him!

Getting back to Suellen now, after I slapped her across the face in response to her mean-spirited, selfish remark, I dropped the water buckets down right there in the cotton field and ran off to find Melly back up at the house in order to get her to calm my anger. I really don't know what to say regarding Melly other than surprisingly enough, I find she has become more of a sister to me than my own flesh and blood ones! I once convinced myself how deeply I hated her but I now know it was all just my jealousy over losing Ashley's affections to her! Now that I realize how much I really love Rhett and _not_ Ashley anyway, I've found that Melly has been my true friend all along and has wanted nothing more than a sisterly relationship with me since the very moment when I agreed to marry her brother Charles.

After I came in from the field and found Melly resting in her bedroom with baby Beau after Dilcey nursed him, her sharp eyes took in my ragged dress soaked with sweat and she immediately felt guilty for not doing her share picking cotton too. That is so typical of Melly! She's such a sweet, good-hearted, honest soul and is always feeling guilty thinking she's not doing her part around Tara when in fact she is the only person I can completely turn to, even more so than Mammy, which in the end helps Melly play a more important role for me in keeping things going than anyone else at Tara _ever_ could! She willingly and patiently listens to me talk about Rhett, my hopes for the future, even when I complain about Suellen, my constant hunger, and this wretched life I now find myself living! She offers me her helpful advice in that calm, soft-spoken voice that always reminds me so much of Mother and that soothes me every time she speaks!

Shortly after we made it to Tara back in September, she was lying in her bed while attempting to recover from Beau's horrid, painful birth the week before and observed me intently as I bathed her pale, thin skin with a damp cloth. "You love Captain Butler very much, don't you Scarlett?" She quietly blurted out, instantly stopping me where I had been standing next to her. No longer able to control my emotions, I immediately released all my pain, all my thoughts regarding Rhett and what I deeply felt for him as Melly, in her extremely weakened physical state, held me tenderly in her arms like my mother would have done while I cried out all my frustrations.

Melly is the only soul alive who I trust enough to have told of my secret plan to go after Rhett. Being the practically minded person she is, she of course doesn't agree with my idea. Knowing how I had been planning on leaving Tara soon, she unsuccessfully tried now for the past several weeks to guilt me into staying there saying I am going to get myself raped, killed, or both and that her beloved nephew Wade needs his mother alive, not dead like his father. Of course, she knows me too well by now to realize she wouldn't be able to easily persuade me as my mind was most definitely made up! So I am _now_ going to write how _the_ most fortunate event in regards to my plan to leave Tara happened only a few days ago!

Melly, Wade, Beau, and I had been the only ones in the house while the others were working out in the cotton field harvesting the last of the little bit of cotton left that the Yankees hadn't burned or trampled when they camped here. I had just finished chastising Melly for getting out of bed as she knew she was supposed to be resting when only a few moments later the sound of horse's hooves alerted me to someone on the property, quickly approaching. Thinking maybe it was Rhett coming back for me, in my excitement I flew over to look out the upstairs window and to my horror instead, I spotted a Yankee cavalryman riding a dark horse with a long pistol hanging on his side! He rode up the entire length of Tara's wheel-rutted drive the Yankee army that camped out here dragged their infantry cannons across then he dismounted to enter my house!

At the time I was positively terrified but somehow I found an inner courage to remain fearless and headstrong in order to keep my wits about me. Watching as he slowly opened the front door and enter what he probably thought was an uninhabited house, I quietly removed my slippers so I wouldn't make a sound and feeling my bitter anger grow with each passing second thinking he had a lot of nerve to intrude in my home, I quickly scurried off to my bedroom, remembering what I had carefully hidden away there. After opening the bureau drawer, I instantly found and loaded the revolver Rhett was thoughtful enough to give me for protection the night he left me. By the time I silently descended the staircase, that hairy, disgusting man walked right out of the dining room like he owned the place, carrying Mother's sewing box while stealing what few things of value of hers I had left! When he suddenly looked up at me where I stood backed up against the wall on the staircase hiding my gun, the sickening grin on that Yankee varmint's nasty, dirty face was all it took for my rage and hatred for him to finally explode! As he started to slowly climb the few stairs between us, my instincts took over and I shot him right in the face, instantly _killing_ him! The horrid sight of his powder burned face with a disgusting, bloody pit where his nose once had been can never, _ever_ be erased from my mind!

It was at that moment that Melly and I became closer than ever when she came racing down the stairs wearing only her nightgown while dragging Charles' sword behind her! I was further amazed when she did the one thing I never thought she could ever do: she _lied_! Apparently the gun shot was louder than I thought because it brought Pa, my sisters, and all the others racing from the field towards the house in order to find out what had happened and Melly lied to them all, explaining how while I was cleaning the revolver, it accidentally went off! What a cool liar she was and I even admitted that to her as she truly had impressed me! After the others were satisfied with her excuse and went back to what they previously had been doing, we quickly rifled through the dead Yankee's clothes as he slowly bled out on the wood floor of the staircase landing and discovered not only a handful of earrings and other valuable jewelry he had stolen from only God knows where but also a bulging wallet filled with U.S. _greenbacks_! At that point I realized there would be more than enough money with which to send Pork off to Jonesboro or Macon in order to buy both food as well as seed for the spring planting, and certainly enough to last for the month or two at most I expect to be gone!

But the one thing that excited me even more when it immediately next came to my mind was that the dead Yankee Melly and I were about to bury out in the yard was just that: _dead _and a _Yankee_ and no longer in need of the uniform, horse, and supplies he came to Tara with! Now that this area is considered to be Yankee territory and under their control, it is positively _swarming_ with the blue-coated varmints! And after killing that Yankee deserter, I do believe it was God's providence in providing what I so desperately needed in order to disguise myself and blend in so I could go off right away in search of Rhett! Yes, that's right! I already had it in my mind that the safest and easiest way for me to head out from Tara in my pursuit to find him was to somehow disguise myself as a soldier as every woman around here knows how she'll be raped if captured by anyone in the Union army and I certainly don't want that happening without Rhett around to rescue me _this_ time!

After carefully removing the clothes from the cavalryman's disgusting, hairy body and his gun from its holster, I buried him in the corner of the garden under the arbor where no one would ever find him. Then I set off for the house where Melly offered to wash his uniform for me and I agreed to let her. Returning to my bedroom with the damp yet clean dark blue frock coat, muslin shirt, trousers, hat, and worn leather boots, she then sat in silence watching as I purposefully got myself drunk on Pa's homemade corn whiskey in honor of committing my first act of murder! My neighbor down the way, Grandma Fontaine, recently told me something I think is very wise: "Always save something to fear even as you save something to love." It's been perfectly clear to me over the past two months that I love Rhett but that something I've now saved to fear? It's getting found out by any Yankee soldier who may happen to pass through here that I killed one of their own. If that ever were to happen, I'm sure I'd be immediately hanged for my deed but what's done is done so I won't think about that any more for today. I'll worry about that tomorrow, or even another day!

Anyway, I ended up sending Pork off to Jonesboro on the horse with some of the greenbacks and he returned with enough food supplies to last for more than a month. In addition after I last wrote in this journal, I went to visit Grandma Fontaine at her home and after she found out all of us here at Tara had hardly any food, she generously sent over a fair share of rice, ham, corn meal, and chickens too. After understanding there would finally be enough food around here to last a little while, I realized it was now or never to put my plan into action and high tail it over to Atlanta where I figured I stood the best chance finding out any news as to where Rhett could have possibly gone off to.

At dawn's first light this morning, I woke and wrote a short note for Mammy telling her not to worry about me but that my leaving Tara is something I have to do and no one, not even her or Melly, can stop me! In Pa's current state of mind, I doubt he will even realize I am gone for very long but I pleaded just the same for Mammy not to worry him by telling how and why I left. I fully expect to receive the full brunt of her harsh anger and punishments once I eventually return but I just don't care! This is a once in a lifetime chance I have to take and I completely explained things to Mammy in my letter in the hopes she'll somehow understand what finding Rhett means to me, even though it hurts me to know one of the few people I truly care for despises the one man I deeply love so very much!

After kissing Wade's cheek as he slept in his bed, I found Pa's leather satchel containing the Yankee uniform I had carefully folded then hidden in my bureau drawer and woke Melly to help me quickly get dressed. After helping me into the knee-length dark blue frock coat, she worked hard pinning every last bit of loose hair on top of my head before covering it with the hat. She told me I could definitely pass myself off as being a young army lad but that once I reached Tara's creek when on my way, I should smear dirt on my face in order to scruff up my appearance a bit so I ended up doing just that. After tightly embracing me in her shaky arms, both of us crying as we said our goodbyes, I stuffed a few greenbacks into my pocket and a few food provisions in Pa's satchel before quickly leaving behind Tara on the dead Yankee's horse without even doing so much as looking back once!

The journey on the road on the way to Atlanta was every bit as long as the night Rhett left me a couple months ago but not as difficult to pass through this time around. Now that I looked every bit the part of a member of the Union cavalry, I easily was able to ride the horse straight through the burned out, blighted Georgian countryside on my twenty mile or so journey north towards my destination. A few Yankee soldiers even tipped their caps to me as I passed them on the deeply furrowed, garbage strewn dirt road which built my confidence that I could do this thing I set my sights on accomplishing after all!

A sudden rainstorm early in the afternoon came up so I was forced to stop and find shelter for the horse and me in a half-burned barn only a few miles away from Atlanta's city limits. However, I am quite thrilled to now write how _fifteen _hours after leaving Tara I finally arrived at the house on Peachtree Street Charles left me when he died and am now only _fifteen_ hours closer to finding Rhett Butler, the man I love! Luckily, no Yankees or any other vagrants are squatting in my home and everything around here is a mess, just as it was left the night Rhett bravely and nobly rescued us, but I don't have time to think about that now or even tomorrow! My thoughts now are all on Rhett, how it is that I am going to find him, and how scandalous I am in wanting to again feel his firm body and soft lips on mine! Right now, I am going to get a good night's sleep in my own bed after praying to God that he's still alive and that we can be together very soon! Then after I wake early tomorrow morning, I am going right on over to one of the two people I most despise more than anything else in this world but is the one person who most likely will be able to provide the information I so desperately need in order to find the man I love.

Until I write next,

_Scarlett_

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><p><em><strong>Thanks for reading! If you have just a moment or two, I'd love to read your review! :)<strong>  
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